Just Saying It...

I’m not sure what kind of family you grew up in, but my family has always been good finishing a conversation or a visit with the words with some pretty unique words in the form of I love you. Of course, depending on who’s saying it depends on how it is said. If I’m finishing up a conversation with my sister or any of her family on the phone, its I luv ya. And if we’re ready to leave from a weekend visit with my in-laws, you might hear something like, we love you guys. If my mom is able to talk and is not crying or emotional over something, she’ll say luv you. My dad is the funniest. Me, my sister, my nieces, nephews and now Julia always get this one: Daddy loves you, or Papa loves ‘em. And of course, after chatting with some of my buddies or other guys in my family, I’ll close things up by saying something like, love you, man, or love you, bro.

Sound familiar?

My friend Scott and I were talking about this recently, how saying something like love ya is safer, easier than actually saying, I love you. It doesn’t seem to require as much of ourselves, as much of our hearts, as much eye contact. Words like I luv ya can become casual, almost to the point where you seldom notice the significance of what’s being said. It becomes a familiar salutation, allowing us to sever our time easier and walk away.

I’ve been thinking about this recently in context of the relationships and conversations where I use these words. I even have a casual way of telling Molly how I feel about her, I love you, Sweetheart, or I love you, Honey (always followed by a sweet description of my Subject).

But take away the sweethearts, and instead of substituting luv for love, or ya for you, and precede it with as strong I, identifying who its coming from...when was the last time you looked at someone face-to-face, heart-to-heart and said firmly, “I Love You.” ? Whether romantically, to family or to a friend?

Thinking about this also caused me to realize that I don’t think I’ve actually ever heard my own father say to me, “I love you.” I know that it’s not because he doesn’t love me, but why has he never just said it? What is he afraid of? Maybe a better question here is, what are we so afraid of?

Is it because of the damage, the pain, the hurt in the world around us – all caused in the name of love – that has us shrink back from such bold words? Is it our fear that our sincerity toward someone else will be rejected, making us look foolish and over-sensitive to other people? What if we say I love you, and really mean it...and don’t hear those words in return?

Have you ever heard of folks who sort of brag about never telling each other, I love you? The defense always seems to be, we’ll he/she already knows. Is this heroic? My friend Kate and I were discussing this the other day...how damaging it is for someone to do nothing more than withhold those words from us and how desperately our hearts are longing to hear someone say them. It’s almost as if there’s something built into us where we simply need to hear it...

I’m convinced there are lots of things in life we are supposed to know already. We’re reminded of that all the time, of things we should remember, ought to remember, but somehow don’t. Yet history proves we are a people who easily forget. Why? Life can wear on us, beat us up, cause us to be so disoriented at times that we sometimes forget who we are, who are friends are, who God is. There’s something restorative, something comforting and assuring when someone walks up to us, looks us in the eye and says, I want you to know something. I love you. Did you hear me? Do you understand what I’m saying? I love you.

I think some, if not much of the difficulty found in our struggle of knowing day to day whether or not God actually loves us has to do with our inability to actually tell each other. My friend, Ziya, just left his office overwhelmed with the feeling that things are falling apart for him financially, and in the midst of this is wondering not only where God is, but whether or not God really loves him.

If God is love, and if God has told us that He loves us directly through His Son Jesus, and if Jesus has invited us to tell the world around us of His love, then how can someone really encounter God through us unless they hear somewhere along the way – ...I love you...?

Do Something

I finally get it. The moving forward. The doing instead of the talking. We must do all we can to increase the quality of life for people who need it. We must feed the widows and orphans. We must heal the afflicted. We must clothe the naked and feed the hungry.
Not I, but Christ that lives within me.
We must break open our bodies so that the world may be fed. Christ died, and rose again. Salvation is certain. But there is still a quality of life on this earth that is too prevalent to ignore. Love God, love others, love the earth, love ourselves; it's not a feeling in our heart, but the reaction we make to it.
The world is not transformed with tracts and sermons. The world is transformed with food and wine, bread and water, cures and care. We don't die because we need humility. We die because the world needs life. The Church is the body that dies so that the world can live.
Not I, but Christ that lives within me.
Sleeping well at night is nice, and having three meals is amazing. But as long as the world is still broken, how can we sleep our lives away?
We can't, and we shouldn't.
I will not stand still. My soul cannot stand it.
Money, energy, health, clothes, beds, bread, water: give it all.
Give it ALL.

Nothing new is being said. We are only remembering what was forgotten somewhere along the way.

perspective

I’ve been wrestling lately with what specifically I’d like to write/blog about. Have you ever had one of those seasons, days, weeks where there were so many things going on around you that you felt like you just needed to sit down and somehow try to capture those moments on paper or in your mind? This past week has been one of those for me…

Erwin McManus shares some great insight on times like this in his book, Chasing Daylight. He discusses how life is constantly in motion, made up the moments that come our way and what we do with those moments. For some, we love to take photographs, capture moments, relive experiences. However, photographs are simply still-shots of a life, an event in motion. And you can’t stay there…which for some of us is somewhat a depressing thought.

Yet, I truly believe there’s a deep need in our lives – not to relive moments, finding yourself stuck in your past – but to capture, to seize the full weight of moments that come along in our lives. Our word Moment comes from the Greek word atomos, which is also where we get our English words atom and atomic. The details and weight of moments. Think about that…

In Judges 6:14, God tells Gideon, Go in the strength that you have…and honestly, some days that’s all you can do, right? Lately, I’ve been struggling to find strength, to feel strong as a man, a husband, a father, a friend, a pastor. I’ve been crying out to God for strength, and most days just for sufficient strength for the day. During this time, I’ve kept this verse near me, daily, that reminds me where real, lasting strength comes from – Nehemiah 8:10: ...This is a sacred day…for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Joy. Strength. There’s a connection.

So, this week has been full of some rich moments for me, moments where had I not sat down for an hour or so a few mornings ago to write them down, would have easily passed through my memory. Moments which have contained so much atomic energy, that by capturing them, I suddenly feel new strength for the journey ahead.

I wanted to share just a few of these moments from my journal this week, joyous moments that have served to breathe fresh life into my heart…

…a smooth, better-than-expected transition for Molly, Julia and I last week as Molly returned to work and the great care that Julia has during the day with family and friends who are keeping her

…an unexpected financial gift this week that came at just the right time for us

…my mother-in-law returning home after fighting through some recent health difficulties

…the engagement of two of our good friends this past weekend, our privilege of being part of their lives and part of the event, and the honor of being asked to officiate their wedding at the end of the year

…conversations with students on the Guilford College Campus last week and new relationships God has given me there

…a conversation with my friend Kate – also at Guilford – and for a great new friendship with her

…time with my dad and my family last week

…an invitation to be trained this year in helping people discover their strengths and their true potential

…work of the Holy Spirit in our church community as we seem to be turning some corners and the hope of what’s ahead as we lean forward

When I look over these moments, it’s not that they’re much different than other moments we experience from any given week. The difference is perspective – how we’re seeing the things around us. One of the words I’d use to describe the Greek translation for Glory (doxa or dokeo) is perspective, or to think. And what I think is that life is filled with moments where we find strength – long-lasting strength or sufficient strength – when we discover the presence of God and the joy that awaits us in the moments of a day.

Pacifiers

Tuesday marked a first for me – the first full day I was responsible for Julia on my own. And I have to say I was pretty excited about the opportunity. Molly had jury-duty all day and had left me very clear and precise instructions on Julia’s daily routine, along with supplies for meals and tips on what to do just in case things happened to go ‘south’ on me. Not to ruin the ending, but we had a great day together with no major disasters to report of. The day was topped of with Julia looking at me with a big smile on her face just before she went to bed as if to say, “Thank you for taking care of me today, Daddy!”

Now, I’ll have to admit that one of the most difficult adjustments so far in parenting has had to do with the amount of ‘personal’ time I’ve had (or no longer have) in the course of a day…the consistency of my daily routine…time to do things that I want to do or things that need to be done. Sitting with Julia in the living-room mid-morning between a nap and lunch, I had a few different things going on: Julia wide-awake with me on her play mat, a variety of toys in the floor used to entertain her, and my laptop so that I could (of course) do some work in the process. Multitasking…you know…that thing that some of us pretend we’re so good at so for the purpose of getting more and more things accomplished in a day…

Anyway, during this particular sitting with Julia, I kept noticing that every time I’d turn my attention to the computer for a few moments, she’d begin to get a little fussy and whiney. (Don’t get me wrong here, it’s not like we sit in front of Julia all day trying to entertain her to keep her from crying…hopefully you know what I mean here...) So I did what I often do at such moments – I reached for the pacifier (which, by the way, is a proven life-saver and calming-tool we often turn to in the Shelton household). But after a few more minutes, Julia had spit ‘paci’ out of her mouth and was back to her wimpering. So I hit the save button, and returned my attention toward her. Immediately she’d start smiling and cooing again. Once I thought I had her calmed and in a better mood, I reached for ‘paci’ once again. Same result as before…crying and whining. I finally realized I had to close my laptop and focus on her for a little while. Multitasking wasn’t working here…and neither was ‘paci.’ I had to give her my full attention. What an inconvenience…

Hang on to that thought for a moment.

I’ve been thinking about this over the past couple of days and how I’m (and perhaps we’re…) so guilty of reaching for a pacifier to put in someone’s mouth when they bring their problems, cares, burdens and hurts to us…especially when they come at inconvenient moments in our lives. We’ve all had days when we’ve felt like I’ve got enough problems of my own, and the last thing I need is yours. Sound familiar? Perhaps you know what it’s like for someone to pacify you. Pacifiers come in a variety of different ways, don’t they: Oh, I’m really sorry to hear that. I’ll be thinking of you. I wish I could help, but… I’ll/We’ll be praying for you. Hmmm. Etc. And just like with children sometimes, we love to put ‘pacifiers’ in other’s mouths so that we can move on with our lives and focus on the things we want to/need to, rather than giving that person perhaps what they need most…our time, our focus, our hearts. How inconvenient…

Paul’s letter to the Galatians includes the words, Bear/Carry each other’s burdens, and as we do, we’re told that we’re actually fulfilling the law of Christ. Law? What law? Think back to Jesus’ words in John 13 where He says, A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you… When you think of Jesus’ life, it was filled with interruptions, inconvenient moments (like in Mark 6 when Jesus and the disciples are trying to get away to a quiet place…read the story in v.30-44 to see what happened)…moments where Jesus figuratively had to close the laptop and focus on the people who needed him. You don’t see Jesus using a pacifier with people so that He can move on with His business. He always has time, He always loves, and He encourages us into the same Way.

Consider your pacifiers today...