Just Saying It...

I’m not sure what kind of family you grew up in, but my family has always been good finishing a conversation or a visit with the words with some pretty unique words in the form of I love you. Of course, depending on who’s saying it depends on how it is said. If I’m finishing up a conversation with my sister or any of her family on the phone, its I luv ya. And if we’re ready to leave from a weekend visit with my in-laws, you might hear something like, we love you guys. If my mom is able to talk and is not crying or emotional over something, she’ll say luv you. My dad is the funniest. Me, my sister, my nieces, nephews and now Julia always get this one: Daddy loves you, or Papa loves ‘em. And of course, after chatting with some of my buddies or other guys in my family, I’ll close things up by saying something like, love you, man, or love you, bro.

Sound familiar?

My friend Scott and I were talking about this recently, how saying something like love ya is safer, easier than actually saying, I love you. It doesn’t seem to require as much of ourselves, as much of our hearts, as much eye contact. Words like I luv ya can become casual, almost to the point where you seldom notice the significance of what’s being said. It becomes a familiar salutation, allowing us to sever our time easier and walk away.

I’ve been thinking about this recently in context of the relationships and conversations where I use these words. I even have a casual way of telling Molly how I feel about her, I love you, Sweetheart, or I love you, Honey (always followed by a sweet description of my Subject).

But take away the sweethearts, and instead of substituting luv for love, or ya for you, and precede it with as strong I, identifying who its coming from...when was the last time you looked at someone face-to-face, heart-to-heart and said firmly, “I Love You.” ? Whether romantically, to family or to a friend?

Thinking about this also caused me to realize that I don’t think I’ve actually ever heard my own father say to me, “I love you.” I know that it’s not because he doesn’t love me, but why has he never just said it? What is he afraid of? Maybe a better question here is, what are we so afraid of?

Is it because of the damage, the pain, the hurt in the world around us – all caused in the name of love – that has us shrink back from such bold words? Is it our fear that our sincerity toward someone else will be rejected, making us look foolish and over-sensitive to other people? What if we say I love you, and really mean it...and don’t hear those words in return?

Have you ever heard of folks who sort of brag about never telling each other, I love you? The defense always seems to be, we’ll he/she already knows. Is this heroic? My friend Kate and I were discussing this the other day...how damaging it is for someone to do nothing more than withhold those words from us and how desperately our hearts are longing to hear someone say them. It’s almost as if there’s something built into us where we simply need to hear it...

I’m convinced there are lots of things in life we are supposed to know already. We’re reminded of that all the time, of things we should remember, ought to remember, but somehow don’t. Yet history proves we are a people who easily forget. Why? Life can wear on us, beat us up, cause us to be so disoriented at times that we sometimes forget who we are, who are friends are, who God is. There’s something restorative, something comforting and assuring when someone walks up to us, looks us in the eye and says, I want you to know something. I love you. Did you hear me? Do you understand what I’m saying? I love you.

I think some, if not much of the difficulty found in our struggle of knowing day to day whether or not God actually loves us has to do with our inability to actually tell each other. My friend, Ziya, just left his office overwhelmed with the feeling that things are falling apart for him financially, and in the midst of this is wondering not only where God is, but whether or not God really loves him.

If God is love, and if God has told us that He loves us directly through His Son Jesus, and if Jesus has invited us to tell the world around us of His love, then how can someone really encounter God through us unless they hear somewhere along the way – ...I love you...?

Do Something

I finally get it. The moving forward. The doing instead of the talking. We must do all we can to increase the quality of life for people who need it. We must feed the widows and orphans. We must heal the afflicted. We must clothe the naked and feed the hungry.
Not I, but Christ that lives within me.
We must break open our bodies so that the world may be fed. Christ died, and rose again. Salvation is certain. But there is still a quality of life on this earth that is too prevalent to ignore. Love God, love others, love the earth, love ourselves; it's not a feeling in our heart, but the reaction we make to it.
The world is not transformed with tracts and sermons. The world is transformed with food and wine, bread and water, cures and care. We don't die because we need humility. We die because the world needs life. The Church is the body that dies so that the world can live.
Not I, but Christ that lives within me.
Sleeping well at night is nice, and having three meals is amazing. But as long as the world is still broken, how can we sleep our lives away?
We can't, and we shouldn't.
I will not stand still. My soul cannot stand it.
Money, energy, health, clothes, beds, bread, water: give it all.
Give it ALL.

Nothing new is being said. We are only remembering what was forgotten somewhere along the way.

perspective

I’ve been wrestling lately with what specifically I’d like to write/blog about. Have you ever had one of those seasons, days, weeks where there were so many things going on around you that you felt like you just needed to sit down and somehow try to capture those moments on paper or in your mind? This past week has been one of those for me…

Erwin McManus shares some great insight on times like this in his book, Chasing Daylight. He discusses how life is constantly in motion, made up the moments that come our way and what we do with those moments. For some, we love to take photographs, capture moments, relive experiences. However, photographs are simply still-shots of a life, an event in motion. And you can’t stay there…which for some of us is somewhat a depressing thought.

Yet, I truly believe there’s a deep need in our lives – not to relive moments, finding yourself stuck in your past – but to capture, to seize the full weight of moments that come along in our lives. Our word Moment comes from the Greek word atomos, which is also where we get our English words atom and atomic. The details and weight of moments. Think about that…

In Judges 6:14, God tells Gideon, Go in the strength that you have…and honestly, some days that’s all you can do, right? Lately, I’ve been struggling to find strength, to feel strong as a man, a husband, a father, a friend, a pastor. I’ve been crying out to God for strength, and most days just for sufficient strength for the day. During this time, I’ve kept this verse near me, daily, that reminds me where real, lasting strength comes from – Nehemiah 8:10: ...This is a sacred day…for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Joy. Strength. There’s a connection.

So, this week has been full of some rich moments for me, moments where had I not sat down for an hour or so a few mornings ago to write them down, would have easily passed through my memory. Moments which have contained so much atomic energy, that by capturing them, I suddenly feel new strength for the journey ahead.

I wanted to share just a few of these moments from my journal this week, joyous moments that have served to breathe fresh life into my heart…

…a smooth, better-than-expected transition for Molly, Julia and I last week as Molly returned to work and the great care that Julia has during the day with family and friends who are keeping her

…an unexpected financial gift this week that came at just the right time for us

…my mother-in-law returning home after fighting through some recent health difficulties

…the engagement of two of our good friends this past weekend, our privilege of being part of their lives and part of the event, and the honor of being asked to officiate their wedding at the end of the year

…conversations with students on the Guilford College Campus last week and new relationships God has given me there

…a conversation with my friend Kate – also at Guilford – and for a great new friendship with her

…time with my dad and my family last week

…an invitation to be trained this year in helping people discover their strengths and their true potential

…work of the Holy Spirit in our church community as we seem to be turning some corners and the hope of what’s ahead as we lean forward

When I look over these moments, it’s not that they’re much different than other moments we experience from any given week. The difference is perspective – how we’re seeing the things around us. One of the words I’d use to describe the Greek translation for Glory (doxa or dokeo) is perspective, or to think. And what I think is that life is filled with moments where we find strength – long-lasting strength or sufficient strength – when we discover the presence of God and the joy that awaits us in the moments of a day.

Pacifiers

Tuesday marked a first for me – the first full day I was responsible for Julia on my own. And I have to say I was pretty excited about the opportunity. Molly had jury-duty all day and had left me very clear and precise instructions on Julia’s daily routine, along with supplies for meals and tips on what to do just in case things happened to go ‘south’ on me. Not to ruin the ending, but we had a great day together with no major disasters to report of. The day was topped of with Julia looking at me with a big smile on her face just before she went to bed as if to say, “Thank you for taking care of me today, Daddy!”

Now, I’ll have to admit that one of the most difficult adjustments so far in parenting has had to do with the amount of ‘personal’ time I’ve had (or no longer have) in the course of a day…the consistency of my daily routine…time to do things that I want to do or things that need to be done. Sitting with Julia in the living-room mid-morning between a nap and lunch, I had a few different things going on: Julia wide-awake with me on her play mat, a variety of toys in the floor used to entertain her, and my laptop so that I could (of course) do some work in the process. Multitasking…you know…that thing that some of us pretend we’re so good at so for the purpose of getting more and more things accomplished in a day…

Anyway, during this particular sitting with Julia, I kept noticing that every time I’d turn my attention to the computer for a few moments, she’d begin to get a little fussy and whiney. (Don’t get me wrong here, it’s not like we sit in front of Julia all day trying to entertain her to keep her from crying…hopefully you know what I mean here...) So I did what I often do at such moments – I reached for the pacifier (which, by the way, is a proven life-saver and calming-tool we often turn to in the Shelton household). But after a few more minutes, Julia had spit ‘paci’ out of her mouth and was back to her wimpering. So I hit the save button, and returned my attention toward her. Immediately she’d start smiling and cooing again. Once I thought I had her calmed and in a better mood, I reached for ‘paci’ once again. Same result as before…crying and whining. I finally realized I had to close my laptop and focus on her for a little while. Multitasking wasn’t working here…and neither was ‘paci.’ I had to give her my full attention. What an inconvenience…

Hang on to that thought for a moment.

I’ve been thinking about this over the past couple of days and how I’m (and perhaps we’re…) so guilty of reaching for a pacifier to put in someone’s mouth when they bring their problems, cares, burdens and hurts to us…especially when they come at inconvenient moments in our lives. We’ve all had days when we’ve felt like I’ve got enough problems of my own, and the last thing I need is yours. Sound familiar? Perhaps you know what it’s like for someone to pacify you. Pacifiers come in a variety of different ways, don’t they: Oh, I’m really sorry to hear that. I’ll be thinking of you. I wish I could help, but… I’ll/We’ll be praying for you. Hmmm. Etc. And just like with children sometimes, we love to put ‘pacifiers’ in other’s mouths so that we can move on with our lives and focus on the things we want to/need to, rather than giving that person perhaps what they need most…our time, our focus, our hearts. How inconvenient…

Paul’s letter to the Galatians includes the words, Bear/Carry each other’s burdens, and as we do, we’re told that we’re actually fulfilling the law of Christ. Law? What law? Think back to Jesus’ words in John 13 where He says, A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you… When you think of Jesus’ life, it was filled with interruptions, inconvenient moments (like in Mark 6 when Jesus and the disciples are trying to get away to a quiet place…read the story in v.30-44 to see what happened)…moments where Jesus figuratively had to close the laptop and focus on the people who needed him. You don’t see Jesus using a pacifier with people so that He can move on with His business. He always has time, He always loves, and He encourages us into the same Way.

Consider your pacifiers today...

relational motive

what’s your relational motive?
Pastor Chris

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend about the importance of extending ourselves relationally into the lives of people we’re trying to reach with the love of God. Our conversation has caused me to rethink and clarify why it is we stress this idea of ‘relational community’ when it comes to our church and our understanding of the Way of Jesus and the Kingdom of God. In our gatherings, we talk a lot about genuine and authentic relationships (with God and people), and one of the most effective and practical ways we find ourselves growing relationally with others is by giving away our most valuable resource…our time. It’s valuable because you can never get it back. Once you’ve given it away, it’s gone. And we all know there’s very little of it – it seems – available in our lives (which probably explains why we are so prone to become so selfish with our own time; ie: “I just need some time for myself.”). This past weekend, our core team chatted about ideas and some fresh ways we can continue to advance our vision and build relationships with new people by showing them that we genuinely care…not by simply inviting them into our own world, but by being willing to step into their world – at the expense of our own time. As one author so well put it, ‘people don’t care how much you know until they know that you care.’ That is the essence of what it means to give ourselves away relationally. If we’re not willing to give away the greatest resource that God has given us, how can the world around us truly know that we care…and ultimately through us that God cares? This may even raise the question that one of my friends asked his friend recently; “are you in love with Jesus?” and ‘what does your time say to back it up?’ Tough questions.

Back to my conversation with my friend: He posed the question, “do we find ourselves spending so much time with others for the sheer purpose of one day having the opportunity to share with them how they can become like us by believing like us, or do we do so simply because we love them.” As my friend Larry put it this morning, “would you still spend time with me, would you still be my friend if I never believed like you?” The issue here has to do with agenda, and whether or not we’re trying to conform someone or see someone transformed through relationship. This raises another tough question for the follower of Jesus; “are we giving ourselves away relationally for the ultimate purpose of seeing someone believe like us, or are we giving ourselves away relationally our of love for that person? Do our relationships have ultimate agendas? Are we more focused on the ‘bait and switch’ approach that lures people in so that we can ultimately share our beliefs with them?

Let me clarify something before I conclude: I believe it is out of our love and obedience to God that we are compelled to share with others of the hope and the life we have found in Jesus, and ultimately we want everyone we come in contact with to taste and experience what we have found in Him. However, I believe we are being more like Jesus by giving ourselves away relationally out of love rather than giving ourselves away with the agenda of getting something in return (ie: ‘come to church with me,’ ‘believe like I do,’ etc.). Embracing the life of God begins with the understanding that we are always called to give more than we receive because that’s what Jesus shows us through His relationship with us. A love-motivated relationship invites someone to journey with you as you grow deeper in relationship with God…together. And as your journey together, it creates level ground between two disciples who are learning more and more about what it means to follow the Way of Jesus.

There is nothing in life (and in eternity) more important than relationships, and the relationships (however many of them there are) that count the most are the ones we give ourselves away to freely out of a heart of love.

Savor

I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God. –Ecclesiastes 3:12-13

Are there moments in life right now where you find yourself “watching from a distance,” feeling as if some of the best moments are simply passing you by? Are you finding yourself busy trying just to make ends meet, trying so hard to get ahead…all with the hope of being able to enjoy things later? If so, you may also be finding yourself overwhelmed and spiritually exhausted in your pursuit for enjoyment and satisfaction. And the most frustrating thing is when we finally reach those moments we’ve been looking forward to, we sometimes lack the energy and the right attitude to fully enjoy them as we’d hoped to – what a let-down!

That describes a lot of people. Maybe you. Definitely me some days. What do we do?

Let me change the question a bit: How well are you ‘savoring’ your life? How many times in a day do you find yourself taking a deep breath, soaking up the view of the things around you and the beauty that’s right in front of you? The problem with many of us is that we’re working so hard to enjoy things later that we forget that we’re meant to enjoy things NOW. Look again at Ecclesiastes 3:12-13.

This past weekend, I had the privilege of officiating a wedding for some new friends of mine here in Greensboro. Something I’ve begun adding to the ceremonies I do is having the couple take just a few moments to look around and ‘savor’ the moment. About half-way through the ceremony, I asked them to take a deep breath and look around. It’s kind of awkward at first, until you see them crack a smile when they make eye contact with a few folks in attendance. Yet, it always seems to lighten the atmosphere a bit, helping the couple to lay-back and enjoy the next few moments. So often in a wedding, everyone is focused on doing things just right, not messing up, that they actually miss the beauty of what’s taking place around them. That’s not only true with weddings, it’s true in life.

Also this past weekend, Molly and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary (also, Jonathan & Jennifer Pugh celebrated their 1st!). Part of our celebration included taking some time to write down our “Top 10 things we love most about each other.” I can’t begin to tell you how gratifying that experience was for both of us as we took time to ‘savor’ our marriage through the things we find so beautiful about our marriage and each other.

The wisdom of the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us that every pursuit for enjoyment in life is meaningless unless we begin finding it in the things that are right in front of us. If you were to take time to ‘savor’ the life around you right now, what would you see? What would you discover? 1 Timothy 6:17 tells us that God richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. And I believe one of the greatest ways we return glory and worship to our Creator is to find enjoyment in the present…not allowing another moment to slip by unnoticed and unappreciated.

Savor today!

Why we exist…

…Jesus said, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” _John 20:21

Sunday afternoon, we worked a bit on this question: why do we do what we do as a church-community? We’ve been trying to answer this over the last several weeks and months ever since we started gathering people together, building the community of Awaken. And our answers (coming from our Core Team) seem to be pretty clear…we (Awaken) exist to extend the love of Jesus to others by extending ourselves relationally, discovering ways to serve our neighbors and our city, and ultimately leading others to discover that their heart matters to God by creating an authentic community for people to belong to. …and that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

This week, I’m attending the National New Church Conference with some of my friends from the Greensboro area who, with other pastors from all over the U.S., are establishing new church communities for similar reasons. While here, I’ve already been confronted with a deeper question I’ve been dealing with for some time – a question that every church must ultimately seek to answer: If our church ceased to exist, would your city be affected? If our church vanished, would our community weep?

Jesus’ message is clear on this: The Church (the hands and feet of Jesus in the world today, including Awaken) does not exist for itself, but for the world. As Rob Bell puts it, “The Church is the only organization in the world that does not exist for its members, but for the good of the world.” Sometimes we get this idea messed up, thinking the church exists for our good, a place for us to be fed, to grow and to benefit. But that’s not God’s heart. As we see in Luke 15:1-7, His heart is focused on the lost sheep, and that’s His heart for the Church (for us) today.

As we’ve shared some beautiful stories over the last few weeks about how our community has served to bless those who are part of it (answered prayers, a place of encouragement and support for those struggling with situations in life, a community of love and acceptance, etc.), we’re reminded of others in our city who still have not experienced and encountered Jesus in these ways through a community like Awaken. And that is, and always will be, the biggest reason why we exist. Wholeness and completeness in our own lives is found in nothing else than this very reason.

We do not exist for ourselves; we exist for the world.

When we discover this (not only in our church-communities, but also on a personal level) we discover a fulfillment and satisfaction in life, “laying hold of the life that is truly life.” (1 Timothy 6:19) That’s God’s life. He proves Himself to be a servant through Jesus, and that’s the life He invites us into.